I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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