Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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