i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
