I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
