nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
porn star boner night. come get it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Randomize
