Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
