they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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