people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
