i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
