whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
