I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
