Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
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The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
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He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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