Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
