I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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