Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
