what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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