oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
