I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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