is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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