Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
