Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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