Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
