I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
