You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
