No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
