I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
