fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
