Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
