I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
