my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
