It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
