I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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