When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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