You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
