walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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