see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
