If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
