So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
