and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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