BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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