Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
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i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
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Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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