We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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