Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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