If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
love makes seman taste better
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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