THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
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