I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
