Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
