i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
