i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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