My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My vagina is officially offended.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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