I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Success! We fucked roommates!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
