We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
