i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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