Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
