even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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