My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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