I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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