i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
