my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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