Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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