There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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