You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm like, not good at living.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
