I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
