Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
