I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
