so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
