Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
