I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
