I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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