I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
