So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
