6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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