new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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