saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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